Friday, January 21, 2011

Reaching My Limit

Buddhism can cure many things, but I'm am struggling to find a way in which it can replace sleep. I am not nearly that enlightened friends. I need my sleep. When I was a new born babe, my mother called the doctor concerned because I would sleep for 10 hours at a time. When I was a teenager, my family dubbed me "queeny" because I would not rise from bed before noon unless I had somewhere to be. In college my roommate didn't believe how long I could sleep until she witnessed it for herself on several occasions.

Once I entered the working world, my sleeping habits drastically changed. I rarely will stay in bed past 10am because I almost always naturally rise at 7 and with such limited free time, I try to take advantage of my days off. I certainly don't need as much sleep as I used to, but I have forfeited many a social event in order to get to bed before midnight. And that's why this week I feel like my body is caving in on itself. Don't even get me started on my mental state. Not to mention that this project has been really tough. I've found myself amidst many combative situations and I've felt pretty lost at times.

Tonight I am foregoing my normal meditation routine. I meditated for a 5 or so minutes a few times today at work and I realized that sitting on my bathroom floor at what will most likely be 4am isn't really going to do much for me. So while the attachment minded me would prefer to stick strictly to the project guidelines and get in my 20 minutes merely to have a perfect record, the spiritual (or whatever) side of me can accept that sleep is more important in this instance. Also, a large part of Buddhism is about not getting caught up in technicalities and not judging yourself for being imperfect. So yes, while it's bugging me that I didn't get in all my exercise last week and I'm not fully meditating tonight, I'm hopeful that by the end of this year there will be no such mental tally for me to refer to.

Highs:
- I don't have to be in to work tomorrow until 11 at the earliest
- I don't have to be in to work tomorrow until 11 at the earliest
- I don't have to be in to work tomorrow until 11 at the earliest
- I don't have to be in to work tomorrow until 11 at the earliest
- I don't have to be in to work tomorrow until 11 at the earliest
- I don't have to be in to work tomorrow until 11 at the earliest

Laters!

2 comments:

  1. Hugs to you, my dear. I'm sorry that your week has been so crazy.

    Thank god you don't have to go into work until later today.

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  2. Sending positive thoughts your way! Your blog has been really inspiring to me since you started back up, and I have been wanting to call you to catch up on your life! I'll wait until you get more sleep, though, if it helps. Miss you.

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