I am really feeling all over the place, but in the best of ways. I'm totally motivated at work, I've made some new friends who are really inspiring me creatively (and I am inspiring them as well), and I'm interested in all sorts of stuff. This evening I had urges to make collages as sort of a visual expression of all the thoughts I'm having right now. If I do end up doing this I will be sure to scan and post.
Yesterday I mentioned how I am truly looking forward to meditating every evening and I wanted to expand on that a little. I've always had this way of thinking where I will be inwardly excited about something and sometimes I have to stop and think, "what am I so pumped about?"
Sadly, much of the time I am excited about something material such as a package I'm awaiting (I do a LOT of online shopping). However, lately I have been having that feeling about going home and meditating, or writing on my blog, or seeing my dog (I love him). I think this is a notable step forward. A shift in the way I think. Could it be that the girl who woke up at 3am to order her Verizon iPhone is becoming less materialistic? I'm still pretty damn excited about that iPhone, but I'm more excited about how my mind is evolving.
Read a great post today on Buddhist Geeks which relates to the questions I raised on how practical is Buddhism in today's world. My particular struggle is with my job and how, while I really enjoy what I do, I'm not sure I always take it as seriously as they would like me to i.e. not thinking to check my phone every two seconds even when not at work. And how exactly can I "stop to smell the roses" and be all zen when sometimes I'm so busy I don't even think to go to the bathroom until 5pm (true story people)?
It's difficult because I do have a passion for my career and I can totally accept that there are sacrifices to be made and much of the time I make them gladly. BUT sometimes I just get really caught up in thoughts that my life is quickly slipping away and I am spending all this time pursuing a career for what exactly? To fulfill a need society has placed upon me to be successful? And then I start wondering why I'm not a yoga instructor.
I found the post very helpful because he talked about how working for the man and feeling like merely a tool doesn't have to be the way you think about it. If you can think about your job and other daily obligations as a contribution, as a "an opportunity to live with greater wisdom, and to create powerful habits that support this wisdom", we will feel more fulfilled. And perhaps this is how I can feel more Buddhist while I'm mindlessly making 10 copies of the same DVD for a presentation that I'm pretty sure will not change the world in any way that really matters. Because the truth is, I feel better when I work harder, even when I think no one notices. Anyone who has ever wasted hours at work on facebook or whatever internet vice you frequent, knows that at the end of the day there is some guilt there and each day that you leave work thinking, "I did not do shit today", makes you feel a little less relevant. And I'm not sure I've ever felt like a hard worker until recently. I may have worked hard in comparison to others (or not), but I wasn't working as hard as I could until recently. I'm saying make the most of every experience and even if no one rewards you, you can be content knowing you are building a strong reliable member of society. And having that confidence will do you a world of good.
- all of the above
- fun dog playdate/ Grey's anatomy watching for the "moms"
- laying in bed listening to NPR - yes, I know, I sound like a brooklyn douche