Sunday, May 15, 2011

So Distracted

I've been incredibly anxious every other dayish since my boyfriend left town about two weeks ago. I'm causing a lot of suffering (mostly for myself) because I'm having a really hard time accepting that my boyfriend is out traveling the world and I am here in New York, continuing my normal routine. My life is by no means bad and there are a lot of things I'm really enjoying now that the weather has perked up. However, compared to being in a different country every day and having countless new experiences, my life seems pretty dull. When he asks me what's new, I feel incredibly overwhelmed because there's nothing I can say that's going to even compare to whatever he's been up to.  

It's also frustrating to miss someone and believe that the only thing that's going to make you feel better is to be with that person. In my head I'm really happy that he's traveling and so much about what he's doing makes me care for him even more, but I have days where I don't care about him "bettering himself" and I just want him to be here with me. It's incredibly selfish, I know, and no one ever died from missing someone (well, that dog in Where the Red Fern Grows), but I'm kind of sucking at not moping. 

My meditations are becoming times for my mind to wonder. I'm trying really hard to stay focused and to mentally prepare myself for the next week and a half (before he comes back and then leaves for another two months). The only thing I can do right now is stay as calm as possible and try not take out my self-cherishing on anyone else.

Hopefully this week will be better. 


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