Sign Me Up

A couple of weeks ago my mother and grandmother were visiting and we decided to treat ourselves to pedicures. I have never had a pedicure for many reasons, which include the following:

1. I hate feet therefore feel uncomfortable forcing someone I don't know to touch and clean mine.

2. They use the same tools on everyone, gross.

3. I've heard it can hurt like a bitch.

4. And you want me to pay you how much for this uncomfortableness???

So why did I say I would go? 

1. Finding ways to kill time with my relatives was proving more difficult with each passing hour and the other option was seeing Hancock (no thank you).

2. I live in New York, my feet are nasty.

3. My roommate told me this particular place was clean.

4. My mom offered to pay.

So we get to the salon/spa/pedicure place and they tell us to sit down and wait. As we sit there pretending to read 3 month old copies of ladies home journal, we hear a commotion in the back (WHERE THE PEDICURES ARE GIVEN). Some girl has just been nicked with one of the tools and now she is bleeding. Her friend tells the lady to get her some alcohol to clean the wound. The woman gets up and we all assume that the problem has been taken care of. At this point I start to feel uneasy, but not uneasy enough to go watch Will Smith pretend like his career didn't end in 1993. 

About 30 minutes later, not only are we STILL waiting for our pedicures, but we hear the same girl cry out, "You're going to put nail polish on it? Are you crazy? It's still bleeding! It's been bleeding for half an hour! You are going to get a doctors bill from me in about two weeks for this shit!"

The friend soon joins and start to lecture the woman about how she was supposed to put alcohol on it, and how her friend's toe is going to get infected, and fall off, and it will all be this woman's fault. At this point, my mother, grandmother, and I all look at each other and say, "Let's get out of here." 

Needless to say, I have yet to receive a pedicure.

However, I did see this "report" on CNN the other morning about a new kind of pedicure where fish eat the dead skin off of your feet. Now, I know it sounds questionable, but I saw the video and it looked a hell of a lot more pleasant than having a human put sharp metal objects to your and slice off your cuticles one-by-one. The fish don't even have teeth! One lady said that she has had calluses throughout her life and no pedicure has been able to completely demolish them... until now. I figure it won't be long until they make this service available in New York, so when they do I will be sure to document. If the pedicure is as good as they say it is, I may even post a picture of my feet!