When I finally decided to do it, he didn't make it easy. The first time I tried to tell him, he showed me all of my pictures with friends and said, "Momo will miss you, Misono will miss you, Jenna will miss you". When I ignored him he started to ask why. Was it because we spent too much time together? Was it because he didn't make me feel safe? I knew it wouldn't help to answer, so I said the only words that came to mind, "this isn't working out."
When he finally realized that I couldn't be swayed he conceded, but not without letting me know that he'd be there waiting for me. If I ever wanted to come back, all my friends and settings would be right there where I'd left them. We could pick up and forget the whole thing ever happened. If I wanted, we could still be friends and he would just send me emails letting me know if our mutual friends were having a party or something. I told him not to bother.
"What's done is done, let's not make this any more painful than it has to be", I pleaded.
A few hours later I thought it was all over, but then I checked my email and he had already emailed me to remind me of what I'd done. I felt terrible, but I knew I had made the right decision. The truth is, Facebook wasn't making me happy and hadn't been for a while. I found myself hanging out with him simply out of habit. I felt trapped, I wanted to be out in the world talking to people that I actually cared about. Instead, I was looking at wedding pictures of people I didn't even talk to when we lived in the same town. Also, the mystery was gone, I knew what everyone was doing all of the time and it turns out, most people are pretty boring. I also found out he was doing things behind my back and I felt like he wasn't the same person anymore.
Maybe I'll have regrets in the future, only time will tell, but for now I feel as free as a bird. I'm hoping to put all my extra time and energy into productive activities and keeping in touch with those who are in my life beyond Facebook. More importantly, I did this for myself and pass no judgement on those who enjoy Facebook. It just wasn't beneficial for me any longer.
